A Storyteller is a Carpenter

Father-in-law Mike and I spent an hour the other day trying to fix a cabinet door whose hinges were bent and broken. Unfortunately, the cabinet door was installed in such a finicky way that we couldn't simply replace the hinges with hinges from the hardware store, and it took us a good deal of time just to understand what we were up against. There's no room for the cabinet doors to swing out, so they were installed with fancy hinges that swing the doors away and out, and the replacement hinges that Dad has don't swing them enough away.

Either they were designed by an architect who didn't care how much trouble he was causing or they were built by a carpenter who didn't get around to the cabinet door problem until he'd already built all the cabinets, and had to go find fancy hinges that would fix the problem he'd created.

Every professional writer gets this call: "We have a script we're interested in, but it was written by the producer's niece, and she's never written a script before, but we're real excited by the project. Could you do a polish on it?"

I then have to explain that you can rarely do a polish on a script written by an amateur. You almost always have to take the damn thing apart and put it back together again before you can even start polishing it. It is usually just about as much work as if the producer had simply taken the idea to you and commissioned a script in the first place. Of course you're getting paid 40% less -- a page one rewrite is still a "rewrite" not a commissioned script.

When an amateur writes a script, it is often missing some of the following: a hero (or anti-hero) we care about; an opportunity, problem or goal for the hero; obstacles and/or an antagonist; jeopardy; stakes. I read a script not that long ago where I couldn't tell who the central character was until page 80.

There may not be characters. The characters may not have their own voices.

In other words, the elements of the story -- the structure of the story -- isn't there. And I have to explain why I can't polish something and give it story elements. I have to rip it up and redo it.

A dialog polish is like slapping paint on a cabinet or dresser. It makes it look better. But it doesn't make it work better if it's not working right. If it's not working right, you have to take the thing apart, usually all the way, and recut or replace some or all of the pieces, and then put the whole thing back together again before you paint.

Likewise, if an aspiring writer asks if I'll write with them, then the answer is almost always "no." I'll consult, or I'll do the writing myself, but I can't co-write with someone who's not a pro writer.

This would be like a carpenter building a dresser with me. I really can't help her much. If I cut something, it won't be to the same tolerances as the carpenter's work; the pieces won't fit right. If I put a piece in place, I'll glue it in the wrong position and throw everything off. The carpenter can usefully do the work herself, or she can sip coffee while telling me how to do it right. But there's no "co-carpenting."

I find that once you start using carpentry metaphors talking to producers, they start to understand better why you can't "polish" an amateurish script, or "co-write" with an amateur. Try using this metaphor yourself, let me know how it works out.

Getcher Movies on YouTube

YouTube is planning to rent movies for $3.99 a pop. Nothing special about that idea -- you can rent movies from iTunes for the same price. But YouTube's idea seems to be to distribute movies that don't already have distribution.

Distribution is tough these days. It is insanely hard to get your movie into Sundance, yet most of the movies at Sundance won't get distribution. (Which is why you might not want to finance your picture with credit cards.) YouTube, apparently, proposes to let filmmakers upload their movies whether they've got theatrical or DVD distribution or not.

This fits right into the YouTube business model, of course. And they won't be losing any money. Their cost is virtually nil.

The question is whether consumers really want more choice. I rarely see movies at film festivals for the very reason that they're much spottier than movies that have made it to theaters. And YouTube distribution won't eliminate the need to market your movie. People still have to hear that it's worth $3.99.

Maybe what's needed is a "taster" price: you can rent the first 30 minutes of a movie for a buck. The rest costs you $3. Anyone who's into the movie will be happy to pay for it. But you don't have to worry you'll pay $3.99 for a stinker, because you can bail out and it will cost you only a buck. On the other hand 30 minutes is long enough for viewers to figure out if they're liking a movie even if it gets off to a slow start.

I can see people in airports now, browsing movies on their iPads, downloading a couple for the flight. Assuming, of course, that in the future you won't have to fly gadgetless and naked.

What Happens When Tech...

What happens when special effects get so easy and cheap to do that almost anyone can access them?

This little video wonders what happened to the Star Wars opening crawl as it sailed off into space.

The Wild Hunt

Congrats to my buds Alex Franchi and Marc Krupa for winning the Audience Award at Slamdance with their awesome contemporary medieval romance, THE WILD HUNT.

Okay, it's just an excuse to post more video of Tiio Horn.

Networks

Every network has a mandate and a current agenda that you can't always figure out from what's on the air now. They may have all procedurals and feel they need something else. They may have all procedurals and, really, they don't want anything else. A good agent has his or her ear to the ground and can tell you where they're at. Here's some intel I've got -- what's yours?

CBS: I am told they've pretty much decided that cop procedurals work for them and they don't want anything else. Guy with a special ability, ass-kicking chick cop, they solve crimes. Embrace it, love it.

SyFy: "no hardware." They want character based shows that have one element that allow them to be considered SF or F. Key word is "relatable." Sounds like more MEDIUM than BATTLESTAR.

FX: Male-oriented. If anything, more visceral than HBO. Hard drama with deep emotional underpinnings.

USA: Their slogan is "characters wanted." They seem to mostly want male characters. Nothing too heavy. They have a spy who solves mysteries, a con artist who solves mysteries, a blind guy who solves mysteries...

Fox: "anti-authority" "attitude" "off-beat" "subversive" FWIW.

NBC: Insert snippy comment here.

How Do I Get to Be a Script Reader?

I live in Toronto and was wondering if you knew how I could go about getting a job as a script reader? What companies would be looking for a script reader? Would CTV and Alliance Atlantis be looking for script readers, or do they go to different production companies to buy their "original programming"?

I've never heard of a Canadian company hiring script readers. Has anyone heard of such a thing?

Do I have to be in the same country as the production company to script read; could I apply to Warner Brothers of Dreamworks? What should I write in my Cover Letter and to whom in a particular company should I address it to?

Wow, I think that's going to be a long shot. I imagine you need some sort of "in" at a company to get a script reading job. I got my first script reading job from a friend from Yale. So long distance is going to be hard, I would think.

Anyone got any ideas?

High Life Movin' Out!

HIGH LIFE is opening in multiple Canadian cities tomorrow. In Montreal it's showing daily at the AMC Forum at 12:05, 2:10, 4:20, 6:25, 8:30, and 10:35. I'm going to the 8:30 show at the AMC, man!

In other news, PLAYBACK sez Telefilm is going to cough up money to promote select French Canadian films via social marketing (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, etc.) PUT THE TRAILER ON YOUTUBE, OKAY? Really. You would be amazed how many Quebec movies don't have an online trailer.

Adapting from Research

I'm hashing out a new story idea for a rom com that is going to require some research into dysfunctional relationships. If I research primarily from one or two books, is that considered an adaptation? Normally I would laugh at this sort of question, but a recent trend has me wondering. "He's Just Not That Into You" was "adapted" from a self help book. I've never read the book, so I'm not entirely sure how they compare. Were they just paying for title recognition? Even more recently, I read that "What to Expect when You're Expecting" will be adapted. How do seven plotlines centered around pregnancy and parenthood become an adaptation? If that doesn't just count as simply research anymore, is everyone going to be expected to have options on their primary sources?

No. In both these cases, producers are buying the property in order to be able to sell the property, and the title, to a studio. "I've got the rights to the most famous book on childbirth" gets you a meeting or two.

But as a writer you can certainly write stories based on nonfiction all day long. By the time you're done making up stories, it is unlikely anything will remain of the original copyrighted material. (Make sure it doesn't.) So you're free and clear. You can even tell people it's "inspired by books like WHAT TO EXPECT..."

You can't copyright an idea. You can't copyright biology or culture or sociology. You can only copyright the specific representation of an idea. Which means I can do an awful lot with your idea before I have to option the rights from you.